life is short

I have been doing a lot of thinking these days about my love life. LOL of course, right? I have been missing P a lot but I will not write him. I can't, I just don't have it in me to go thru that again right now. It is like putting myself through the ringer over and over. I mean we could go back and forth over all the reasons to be together and to not.

I used to spend a lot of time telling people "Life is short" because I everyone thinks I am very spontaneous and I do a lot of crazy things, etc. So this very thing came to me the other day when I was having a weak moment trying to justify to myself why I should write to him. Life IS short but it all depends on how we see it. It is like half empty/half full argument. I have a connection and a bond with Papito that is like no other I have. I love him still as much as I did 6 months or a year ago. When I am alone and I think on it and I think that I don't have that "promise" that I had that we were going to be together I get upset. But Life is short. I blame my outlook on this to the Libra in me. I think it is too short to sit around waiting for him, I need to get out there and live my life, love hard, make mistakes, laugh as much as I can, make friends, cry as much as I can, see the world, make memories with my son BUT then Life is too short to give up on what I believe is the greatest love I have ever known. To give up on an opportunity to have that mental (intellectual) connection that for me is the most satisfying thing I have ever come to know. It is THAT intense! I have heard it all about how he is in prison and he probably says that to everyone and what not. I believe what I believe. We are talking 11 years that we have known each other and we weren't always romantic. So I was at a crossroads and at the end of the day I truly believe that the heart wants what the heart wants. I don't think I will ever have this love again but in the end (even if we are 90) if we belong togehter we are going to make it. I have relationships on other levels with people that are fulfilling as well and I will not be unhappy at all. One of my closest friends is my first love and if you would have told me 10 years ago we would be where we are I would have said you were a liar so maybe P has fulfilled his purpose already. But I will never stop being a hopeFUL romantic....

I know that there is someone out there for me SOMEWHERE....where are you damn it?! LOL

I know that I have a lot of GINA to work on and I am SLOWLY doing that now. I am not in a rush. I am a damn good woman and I believe that I will have my happiness.